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MISTRESS OF ALL SHE SEEKS
Last Entry: Jul 26, 2010, 23:58
Entries: 1138  | Comments: 12235  | Views for today: 7  | Readers: 113


Jan 12, 08, 15:54
WHY HE IS MY SHINING­STAR

I have something to write that makes maybe no sense but to me it does. You all know my health history and know I do not tell you unless something is really wrong and I have no choice. When we thought in September that I might not come home yet again.( how many goodbyes) my children have endured. I blogged a goodbye just in case to you all. Monza and I had been just starting to get closer and the man sat 3 days waiting for a very drugged up rebellady to phone him to say I AM ALIVE

tear jerking stuff at the time.

He then tolerated my convalescence and saw some of the cruelty of this site.,It is darn hard to get to know a woman 11,000 miles away who has a cover that would make getting into Fort Knox easy.
Sometimes I expected too much from him. I expected him to read my mind. I expected him to premeditate my thoughts almost. And of course the poor man stood not a chance to do so. Each time I waited for him to walk away he came back quietly with a hug and " I LOVE YOU SWEETY" The most awesome words in the world for a lady to hear one day,

This week you all knew I took ill once more and the severity of this episode is hanging over our heads still.

Yet yesterday Monza made me realise somethings I hope you do not mind me sharing with you all and hope he does not either. ( hugs in advance mr k)

My two youngest daughters came to the surgery with me BLOODBATH and her sister my baby daughter.

They giggled around like 2 year olds as they saw the tests unfold and were loving and caring.

Then at home they lashed out at me in anger abuse tears and all sorts of emotions and I lashed out back.,

Why were they this way, because I am their mother, the only person who raised them and I am not strong this week . I am not the amazon who shines the leading light. THEY ARE SCARED

And yes at 1 a.m. with many tears poor MONZA heard that yes the lady who will face a thousand words was trembling.

AND I hurt him for I thought he was like my girls afraid and backing away cos I might be getting the cancer back yet again!!!!!!

This mans response.

" its my choice to be with you good and bad"

 

I thank MONZAs Parents from the bottom of my heart in their heavenly places for a man like MONZA has made my world the most special world where dying doesn't seem so scary any more.

 

THANK YOU MONZA

 

ALWAYS YOUR LADY

 

ANN


Comments

Jan 11, 2008
Glenn
I think the moral here is to enjoy whay time you have as you never know when it will end.

Hope you enjoy many more happy times with Monza.

Jan 12, 2008
rebellady
THANK YOU AND YES ISN"T IT HARD TO PLACE A PRICE ON TIME TO ME IT IS THE HIGHEST I HAVE AND LOVE NEXT
AS FOR MONZA I GUESS DEPENDS ON HIS TIME AND MINE

ANN


Jan 11, 2008
ARI

 

Hey Ann,

 

Greetings from the cold dark dreary side of the world...

 

I frankly had no idea of the severity of your health and again - you have been generous and so sincere with your thoughts and trusted us enough to share a very traumatic and integral part of yourself, your emotional pain and your fears with nothing but confidence over the fact that we would listen, and understand and that we would be there for you and would hold your hand without recourse.

 

Why do these things happen and what guidance do they have for us as sure signs for change and nothing but goodness because change only promises that and nothing else.  Its the severing of relationships and friendships that hits Oh so low below the belt and leaves surgical scars all over.  But in that and all that these signs show us and tell us - we must appreciate the fact that LOVE has never taken a beating from the adversities of time and history is  brimming with such beautiful instances.  Whatever our situation - goo dna d bad, we are BLESSED.  Blessed with the ability to appreciate and love life to its fullest content.  Only because we have that capability to put our interests aside and be there for others, be there for humanity whenever needed.  We are afterall children of the same Mother Earth - and in that we have faith.  Love always prevails for sure!!

 

We must not allow the powers of negativity and pain to humble us other that with the realization that it is a sign to learn from and keep moving with kindness and compassion of spirit more than ever before.  Life is always bigger than how we wish to see it, therefore there is always the sound possibility of new experiences and revelations of intellect that only serve good notice to our growth as a race.

 

I pray for your calm and peace in your transition of thought and also for you to conquer all fears so you may embrace your life with happiness and serenity. 

 

We have alot of talking to do Ann, so  a BIG

and

 

God Bless and learn how to whistle!

 

Love

 

~Ari


Jan 12, 2008
rebellady
responding by blog see it soon


 


Jan 11, 2008
Debs
Sometimes you have to remember that you have to be soft outside , yep they are scared, and the worse thing is so are you, hell anyone would be scared  faced with not knowing  what tomorrow  will bring .. Seize the day and make each one last a hundred hours !!!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v
=bviO2SM5H7k


Jan 12, 2008
rebellady
My song................ not our song.......... thank you debs for reminding me and yes I HAVE TO LIVE LOVE AND FIGHT LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW BUT I DO NOT HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO MAKE OTHERS DO THE JOURNEY WITH ME

 

HUGS MY FRIEND


Jan 11, 2008
Teddy

Jan 12, 2008
rebellady
IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS THAT I HAVE SEEN YOU ABOUT THAT HUG MEANS A LOT TO ME THANK YOU TEDDY
Jan 12, 2008
Morning_Angel
sis it is understandable that you are all scared but you need each other and family are so important .. but your man is in a class of his own big hugs sis x x
Jan 12, 2008
rebellady
my man is my world
i wish he heard that
ann


Author

rebellady
54 y.o.
Australia
Morayfield


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